Without giving too much detail... let's just say life is a roller coaster; for everyone. I think I am riding through the lows, and wishing the train would move a little faster back up. These last few weeks have felt like a ticking time bomb to a COMPLETELY UNCERTAIN future. But that's not the real lemon in my life...
It's Guilt. Guilt about being flaky with friends, guilt about not working enough, guilt about waking up late, guilt about my car getting towed, guilt about not eating healthy, guilt about not being completely honest with my feelings, guilt about missing my holiday work party, guilt about not working hard enough to find a job, guilt about never writing my brother on his mission, guilt about EVERYTHING I buy, guilt about how behind I feel in life compared to my sisters, guilt about not asking for help when I need it, guilt about doing too little too late, and guilt for feeling guilty when I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.
I don't deserve the wonderful family, friends, and coworkers I have. They make my life fun, exciting, and always surprising. But just for now, let me go outside of the box and simply say, "I am frustrated with life." Okay.
There. I am done. Bitter Maddie vented and is moving on. Back to the same old shenanigans and belligerence tomorrow.
It's just that I am over the sweet taste of lemonade. Today I really wanted to bite into that lemon... and I did.
3 comments:
i say good for you...it's good to vent and get things off our chest, and we wouldn't be human if we didn't have a crappy day or period in our life every now and then...i see nothing wrong with bitter maddie :) Good luck with everything though and I hope it turns around soon...no worries on not finding a job...at least you're still sticking to broadcast and didn't sell out like me :)
Can I say if the TV biz doesn't work out could you teach High School english at Woods Cross High School we need some new fresh blood, who knows how to write! I love the way you express yourself, the good and the bad. And I won't add the old adage, "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade." I hate that saying, just have a small pity party, then move on.
Maddie!! It's Natalie from MP. I have not seen you in forever. So exciting that you are about to graduate. Hope you don't mind I found your blog. If you want to go to my blog e-mail me at nickandnat05@yahoo.com. (I have mine private)
PS. You have good friends and family in your life because you are a great person and turly care. Love you girl!
Natalie
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